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Lake County‚s Ten Worst ideas of 2004
By Philip Murphy
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DEDICATED TO FREE THOUGHT AND FREE SPEECH IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD |
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Lake County‚s Ten Worst ideas of 2004
By Philip Murphy
5-6-05
In no particular order, we present the winners of 2004‚s tough competition for the best of the worst ideas inflicted on the citizens of this humble rural community by their own governments.
#1. The dope tax. It just couldn‚t get any weirder than this one, Republican county supervisor Rob Brown (who lost by a razor-thin margin to Patty Berg in the 2002 state assembly race), and guru of medicinal marijuana Eddie Lepp teamed-up to put a plan before the BOS to tax medicinal cannabis, or at least they tried to. Somehow signals got crossed and Rob figured the county would get the proceeds, while Eddie thought the money would go to help him set up a marijuana clinic. A Republican wanting a new tax? On sick people's medicine? Needless to say, Brown pulled the plug on this one once it became clear how ludicrous the whole scheme was, but not before it all came out in open session.
#2. Lakeport‚s new streetlights. Lakeport residents could have a fresh veneer of asphalt on nearly half of the city‚s crumbling roads, or have new faux antique streetlights installed on three blocks of main street, and more lumpy patches on said three blocks due to the need for trenching to install the light‚s wiring. Can you guess which option the city council chose? ŒDang, you smart! Thank former supervisor Karen Mackey and the rest of the taxpayer-dependant chamber of commerce/main street association whores for this wild mis-prioritization of the city‚s general fund. Now main street has even worse paving and the lovely shade-giving trees are gone, victims of the of the crappy aesthetic values of our local merchants/government-same thing, really!
#3. The problem: Too many drug addicts, too few treatment centers. The solution? After a costly lawsuit, kick Personal Support Group out of it‚s North Lakeport home, and banish them to a former alcoholics drying-out facility near the rather remote geysers power plants. Then make them get a costly environmental impact review in order to fix their septic system (an unprecedented requirement), which in turn generates yet another lawsuit against the county for violating the ADA. Why would the county do that? Well, an election was on the horizon, and the nimbys were plenty worked-up about having recovering druggies in the ‚hood, so suddenly supervisor Ed Robey took the lead and showed the courage that it takes to pander shamelessly to the angry mob (after checking wind speed and direction first, of course).
#4. The pear growers subsidy. $150,000 was given to local pear industry leaders to help save the most seriously ailing sector of the local ag community. What are they going to do with it? It doesn‚t really matter, since no one is expecting any positive results, it was just an expensive gesture to show how much our BOS really cares. With your money their generosity is sooooo much easier to demonstrate, isn‚t it? Thank God that socialism is always there in order to keep capitalism afloat! Right, comrade pear grower?
#5. The mobile ops center. $230,124 went swirling down the drain on a brand-spankin‚ new mobile ops center. What‚s a mobile ops center? Well, it‚s a trailer with some cell phones and radios, pretty exotic, huh? It‚s needed in case of a major disaster, so different government agencies can communicate with one another in the event of the planned 12,000 square foot Office of Emergency Services command bunker being disabled by a nuke/meteorite/tsunami. Can you calculate the odds of that happening? Well then, that makes you smarter than our BOS, who automatically say "yes" to any alleged public safety request that comes before the board, especially if our fearsome sheriff is the requestee.
#6. The Robinson Rancheria and Big Valley Rancheria motels. Apparently our local Indian communities have learned nothing by watching their white brothers mistakes, and have made two big ones of their own. The word „ugly‰ doesn‚t do these two architectural monstrosities justice, since they far exceed the limitations of that meager description. Robinson‚s motel would look right at home in Boomtown Nevada, and mars the vista from the nearby Rodman Slew nature preserve, home of much of the local bald eagle population. Big Valley's motel looks like a minimum security prison, and it‚s marina is a full-on eco-disaster carved into the supposedly sacred shoreline tulles. Set off by a parking lot devoid of trees and a huge, crudely constructed percolation pond, any natural charm the area had has now been thoroughly eradicated.
#7. The Sirrolli Institute. Our BOS handed-over $50,000 of our precious tax dollars to the Sirrolli Institute. What does the Sirrolli Institute do? Well, they mostly prey on well-heeled unsuspecting dupes, like our own BOS. Actually, they claim to be economic development facilitators, just like the operations that the cities of Lakeport and Clearlake run. Problem is, the county already has the BORT (Business outreach and training) program, and several other operations all claiming to do the same thing. Can you say "redundant redundancy"? Again socialism proves vital to capitalism's success, and no positive results are expected or needed, since who could be against economic development? Note to BOS: The term "facilitator" is interchangeable with "high-priced do-nothing".
#8. $376,499 in Homeland Security gadgets, plus $171,000 in bio-terror gear. Am I the only one who thinks the "homeland security" moniker is a more than a bit nazi-esque? Whatever, the main thing is that 9-11 related pork has once again trickled down to us here in the hinterlands, and no matter how foolishly the money is bound to be spent, the BOS just couldn‚t say "no" to getting their hands on those federal dollars that our kids will get stuck with paying back. Two things are certain here, that no one will be any safer in post-pork Lake County, and that none of our courageous BOS members will ever question the need or use of this funding. There isn‚t room in the storage facility for the new gear (that space is taken up by last year‚s Homeland Security gadgets and the still unused Y-2K generators), so we‚ll probably have to shell out even more dough just to slow down the rotting process of this almost comical waste of money.
#9. The Kit‚s Korner solution. Lake County is famous for it‚s high-speed T-bone wrecks at the intersections of highways 53 and 20, highways 20 and 29, and at Kit‚s Korner on highway 29. Cal Trans plan? Spend over $2,000,000 to lower the hill on the eastern side of the intersection in order to improve the sightline. The likely result? Now people will go even faster, and the wrecks will become even deadlier. They could quickly and cheaply lower the speed limit there, giving people more chance to see and avoid oncoming traffic, while at the same time reducing the severity of the wrecks that do occur. But that wouldn‚t give the engineers anything to do, so that option was quickly dismissed. Also avoided was the question of why do all that work now, when it will all be torn up in the near future when the highway is expanded to four lanes, as is Cal Trans current plan? It‚s all too reminiscent of the recent Highlands Springs intersection improvements on Highway 29, where nearly a mile of less-than one year old pavement was torn-up when the new traffic light and turn lanes were installed. Aren‚t you glad Cal Trans planning is so well synchronized? Gee, I wonder how that Bay Bridge project went so wrong?
#10. The Lakeport city council election. What do you get when five elderly Republican men run a town? In Lakeport you wind up with a melding of business and government to the point where they become virtually indistinguishable.. Not too surprising, since one of the council members is the former president of the chamber of commerce, so the yearly sacrifice of $75,000 to the chamber and $15,000 more to the main street association goes totally unchallenged. So what did the citizenry do when three of the incumbents were up for re-election? Absolutely nothing, and the trio slid back into their places at the trough without any resistance, because no one ran against them! If Dick Lampkin hadn‚t croaked right after the election they‚d still all be there, but fortunately former councilman Roy Parmentier made it back onto the council after a special election, so at least there will be one person there looking out for the interests of the average citizen.
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